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Riding Hoods Anonymous
Riding Hoods Anonymous the 3rd episode of season 2 of Fractured Fairy Tales. Plot The story begins with the Narrator, Edward Everett Horton, introducing Little Red Riding Hood; so named, "...well...because she was, ''that's why." Red is on her way through the woods to Grandma's house to sell her a P.T.A. membership, singing a song as she goes (a simple half-scale in G Major). Unimpressed, the Narrator chides that it's not much of a song. Red innocently replies, "Well, I'm not much of a singer," and continues on her way. Unbeknownst to Red, the narrator relates that up ahead on the path, a wolf is "watiing to...eh...,". The Narrator struggles to get the last word out, but is interrupted as the wolf proclaims, "I hereby swear that I'll be good / I will not eat the Riding-Hood". The wolf breaks the fourth wall and explains that he is a member of Riding Hoods Anonymous and is trying to "kick the Riding Hood habit", much to the Narrator's consternation. As Red approaches, the wolf looks into the book he carries with him, ''Words of Courage and Hope to Riding Hood Eaters, ''and reads a passage, "When you see a Riding Hood / greet her as a friend, you should". The wolf extends a hearty hello to Red, although he also chooses to grab her by the neck. Red cries out and bites the wolf in the thumb. Confused, the wolf drops her and reads another passage, "When you are misunderstood / extend your hand to Riding Hood". The wolf tries again, but Red angrily beats his hand away repeatedly with her basket. The wolf then explains that as a member of R.A. he's sworn off eating Riding Hoods. Red is not convinced, but the wolf reassures her by reciting another passage, "Stick to your promise not to eat / fight that urge for a Riding Hood treat!" Satisfied, Red offers him a P.T.A. membership. The wolf eagerly agrees to buy a dozen, quickly grabbing them from the basket and flicking them offscreen. He also offers to deliver Red's basket. She explains that it's for Grandma and that its a "basket full of-KA-BOOM...goodies". Just as Red comes to the last word, the basket explodes in the wolf's face. Red apologizes, claiming it was her "Special Wolf Basket", and hands him another one. The wolf happily skips off into the forest, singing that he's "going to see the Grandma". He suddenly stops in mid-song as a thought occurs to him. He checks his book and confirms his suspicion, reading another passage, "Though Riding Hoods you may not munch / there's nothing wrong with a Grandma lunch." He then continues on his way, changing his song to "I'm gonna eat the Grandma!" Upon reaching Grandma's house, the wolf excitedly announces to Grandma that he will eat her right after he gives her the "basket of- KA-BOOM...goodies..." Again, the basket explodes in the wolf's face just as he reaches the last word. Grandma is momentarily fascinated by what has just happened, but the wolf quickly recovers and prepares to eat her. She calmly claims that he has made a mistake and that she is, in fact, a Riding Hood and that Red is a Grandma, motioning to a picture of Red on the wall. Skeptical, the wolf asks her to produce her P.T.A. memberships, proving she's a Riding Hood. Grandma again corrects him, ''real ''Riding Hoods sell D.A.R. (Daughters of American Riding Hoods) tickets. The wolf, buying it, is intrigued and grandma offers him a membership. Just as before, he buys a dozen and sends them flying offscreen, then angrily prepares to get back at "that doggone Grandma in the woods". As he leaves, Grandma gives him another basket of goodies (the only time in the episode a basket does not explode upon mention of that word) and he skips away singing his song from before. He finds Red exactly where she was before, and shouts that she lied to him. He claims she is a fraud and that he just met a ''real Riding Hood, who sends a "basket of-KABOOM...goodies...". Yet again, the basket explodes in the wolf's face. Red calls the wolf's attention to a passage in his book, which reads, "Grandmas you can tell afar / they belong to D.A.R.". Frustrated at being deceived, the wolf races back to Grandma's house and reads another passage, "When Grandmas turn to Riding Hoods / be a photo-ga-fer in the woods". The wolf disguises himself as a press photographer and knocks on Grandma's door, claiming that, if she is a Riding Hood, he will take her picture with a real Shetland pony for free (much to the pony's disappointment). Grandma, not recognizing the wolf, claims that she is a Grandma, causing the wolf to grab her and announce that her time is up. Grandma agrees, claiming, "every second counts!", which thoroughly confuses the wolf. Grandma then puts on an act, taking the role of an army colonel, and orders the wolf to get another basket to the front, as he is the only man with a horse. The wolf, again falling for it, accepts his orders. Grandma slaps the pony on the rear, and horse and rider charge off into the woods. Red arrives moments later, asking Grandma if the wolf had made it to the house yet. Grandma tells her he's come and gone twice and had just left with a "basket of KABOOM...goodies...". In the distance, just as before, there is another explosion, which this time shakes the entire forest. Red muses that the wolf won't bother them again and they both go into the house, only to discover, to their horror, that the wolf is waiting for them inside. He announces that he has quit Riding Hoods Anonymous and will eat both of them. Red tries to reason with him as he bares his teeth and approaches her, quoting passages from the book. Grandma yells for Red to run but she continues quoting the book, even while struggling to keep the wolf's jaws from closing down on her. Grandma again calls for Red to run, and they dash out of the house with the wolf in hot pursuit. The trio disappear into the woods. Some time later, the scene pans over to the wolf standing proudly in the middle of the woods, Red and Grandma presumably having been eaten. The Narrator laments that it looks like no one lived happily ever after. The wolf again breaks the fourth wall and chuckles, claiming that he did, which confuses the narrator. He opens his vest and reveals a P.T.A. and a D.A.R. button, stating that he's now a member of both. The best part, however, is that he received two hundred "baskets full of...". Keeping with the running gag, all of the baskets explode simultaneously, creating a great cloud of smoke. As smoke clears, we see a charred wolf, holding two broken basket handles and sporting angel wings as he heads upward into heaven.The narrator finishes the wolf's sentence to end the story, "...yeah, goodies. Well, I was right, nobody lived happily ever after." Trivia Category:Season 2 Category:Fractured Fairy Tales episodes Category:Episodes return for Season 5